Shane Warne as England Coach

Posted by Admin
January 6, 2009

With the imminent departure of Peter Moores as England coach due to his ongoing feud with Kevin Pietersen, how about Shane Warne as England coach? This may not be a stupid a suggestion as first seems, as the former Aussie bowling great has proven credentials in the role of cricket coach.

Pedigree

Warne has already demonstrated his coaching expertise by leading the Rajasthan Royals to be the IPL champions in 2008, and he has significant input into Hampshire when he was captain there. So what types of practices would Warne put in-place if he were to become England coach?

Mobile Phones

Well mobile phones would definitely not be banned from the dressing room. In fact all England cricketers would be expected to demonstrate the ability to text to two different women at the same time or risk being dropped from the team!

Performance Fluids

Instead of the high performance enhancing fluids used by sportsmen, England’s cricketers would be expected to be drinking beer before, after and during the game. Anyone not following this edict could find themselves tossed into obscurity.

Conversational Skills

All England cricketers would need to attend a specialist sledging course, where they would learn how to use foul and abusive language on a regular basis. They would be expected to do this in different languages depending on who the opposition was.

Diet

The diet for the England team would be changed to burger and chips and plenty of smoking. There would be absolutely no tolerance of healthy foods such as fruits and salads and anyone violating this would expect to be dealt with severely.

Family Policy

Whilst on tour, the wives of the England team would not be allowed to travel with their husbands. Instead, the England cricketers would be expected to find girlfriends and cheat on their wives whilst away.

So there you have it, a slightly satirical look at what Shane Warne would bring to the England coaching job, what are the odds on Warne being England coach for this year’s Ashes!

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